To everyone around you, you seem like the picture of success. Great careers. A lovely family. Fun friends. Interesting hobbies (when you find the time). You go on happy-go-lucky Outer Banks vacations or bicycle tours of Spain.
Your relationship looks good in public.
Behind closed doors the reality is different. Running through your love relationship is a dissatisfaction, a disconnection that you can no longer ignore. Small disagreements over how to load the dishwasher (or other such trivia) have escalated into screaming matches or the silent treatment.
You sometimes have the thought that things could fall completely apart because there has been so much detachment or difficulty communicating over the months, maybe years.
In screaming fits or a whisper, one of you may have even threatened to leave, maybe multiple times.
You have realized that the situation is too much to handle on your own. But you aren’t sure you can find a couples therapist who could possibly understand your situation or help.
You may have tried couples work before and found that either it helped for a bit and then it didn’t, or it made things worse.
COUPLES THERAPY + MARRIAGE COUNSELING
VIRGINIA + WASHINGTON, DC
From the outside you look like the almost-perfect couple.
You may need help with:
Difficulty communicating about even the smallest issues.
Too much arguing about the same things with little resolution.
Feeling disconnected and lacking enjoyment in each other’s company.
A hard time working together to solve problems–financial, parenting, illness, etc.
Little or no intimacy or sex.
Challenges dealing with your extended families.
Betrayal, infidelity, or lack of trust. Click here for more specific information.
Pre- or post-baby adjustment.
You never anticipated that you would be the couple who would need help. You do, and you want to get past all this.
It’s not your fault. . .
that you don’t know how to do all the things necessary to make a long-term committed relationship work and feel good to both of you.
No one taught you this at school.
It’s also likely that you didn’t learn much, or enough, about this in your family as you grew up.
If you feel like you might be on the way to divorce or like you are harming rather than supporting each other, please don’t wait until so much negative has happened that it feels like the relationship can’t be repaired.
Relationships, even ones that have been broken for a long time, can be repaired.
In couples therapy, we can measure improvement, so that you see and know that things are changing for the better.
You both deserve a relationship that feels safe and secure.
When you realize you deserve that great relationship AND that perhaps you cannot get there by yourselves, it’s time for couples therapy.
Remember when you could look in each other’s eyes and feel that fluttery feeling? You committed to each other when you thought that feeling would last forever. It was amazing. You two were so attuned, could talk for hours, make each other laugh, maybe even finish each other’s sentences. You communicated so well.
You want that relationship back.
What is actually better than having that relationship back (this is impossible), is to create a more mature, complex relationship built on more knowledge and understanding of each other, and better communication and intimacy.
Couples therapy is an investment in your future together.
Before couples therapy
From the outside, it looks like you and your partner have a good life. And in a lot of ways, you do. But behind closed doors, something feels… off.
You love each other, but it’s hard to remember the last time you felt truly close.
Conversations have turned into transactions—about schedules, responsibilities, the logistics of keeping life running. The deeper, more intimate conversations? Those feel risky, exhausting, or just plain impossible.
Arguments start over the smallest things—who forgot to take out the trash, how someone phrased a simple question, that one distracted look at the dinner table. But you both know it’s not really about the trash or the tone or the look. It’s about the disconnection.
When things are good, they’re fine. When they’re bad, they’re unbearable. And most days? It’s just this dull, underlying tension—like something fragile that neither of you wants to touch too hard for fear it might break.
Maybe you tell yourself it’s just a phase. Maybe you tell yourself other couples have it worse. Maybe you just keep pushing forward, hoping the feeling will pass on its own.
But deep down, you know something has to change.
After couples therapy
Something shifts. You stop feeling like roommates managing a shared life and start feeling like partners again.
You can talk—really talk—without things spiraling. You listen. You feel heard. You stop assuming the worst about each other and start seeing each other clearly again.
Conflict doesn’t mean catastrophe anymore. You know how to navigate the hard conversations without tearing each other apart in the process.
Resentment no longer lingers unspoken in the background; instead, it gets acknowledged, worked through, and released.
You laugh again—not out of politeness, not out of habit, but because you feel good together.
You touch each other more. Not just in the obligatory way, but because you want to. Because it feels safe. Because the space between you isn’t filled with tension and unspoken hurts anymore.
You stop walking on eggshells. You stop shutting down. You start showing up—fully, vulnerably, openly.
And in doing so, you rediscover the thing that brought you together in the first place: real connection.
We sit together, the three of us, in anticipation and discovery. I am a stranger to you both, so you are not sure if you can trust me, much rely on me for help or to be fair in dealing with you both. Above all, you both want to feel better, without the pain that happens when a committed relationship goes wrong.
As conversation happens, you let down your guard, maybe slowly, and the work begins.
You begin to examine together what has changed in your relationship, what is not working for each of you, what you each need from each other to feel seen, understood, and connected. With my guidance, you start to understand the parts of each of you that have been wounded and need to heal.
You see that I have ways to help you gain a fuller understanding of who you are in the relationship and who you want to be as part of the relationship.
I am on the outside of your relationship, coaching you, teaching you, guiding you to approach each other differently, to listen in new ways, to understand more about the inner workings of your feelings and thoughts.
You leave each week with helpful insights and understanding, but more importantly, new ways of behaving and being with each other. And you go home and practice—get curious about each other, experiment to see what works for both of you to create connection, better communication, and ease with each other.
And if you have courage in yourselves and the trust in me, you stay and do the work to know each other and yourselves, and understand the complexities of your relationship.
You gain the strength to be more of who you really are together, with compassion. Your relationship becomes a safe and secure haven.
What happens in couples therapy?
THE PSYCHBIOLOGICAL APPROACH TO COUPLE THERAPY
PACT: The path to a stronger, more connected love
When you work with me, you won’t just patch things up—you’ll transform the way you love each other. PACT (The Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy) helps you move beyond exhausting arguments, eroded trust, and moments of aching disconnection. It gives you a new way to be together—one where you both feel seen, protected, and profoundly understood. Here’s what that means for you:
No More Talking in Circles
You know those fights that start small but spiral into something much bigger? The ones where you both walk away feeling hurt, unseen, miles apart? PACT teaches you how to stop those cycles before they even start—how to turn toward each other instead of away, how to soothe instead of spark tension, how to communicate in a way that actually lands.A Relationship That Feels Like Home
Underneath the irritation, the silence, the sharp words, there’s something deeper—your longing to know that no matter what happens, you and your partner are in this together. PACT helps you build that kind of love. A love where you both feel chosen, protected, and able to fully relax into each other.Understanding Each Other Like Never Before
It’s easy to assume your partner should just get you—that if they really loved you, they’d instinctively know what you need. But real love isn’t mind-reading; it’s attunement. It’s learning how to understand each other’s rhythms, how to anticipate each other’s needs, how to move in sync instead of at odds. PACT helps you develop that intuitive connection—the kind where a glance, a touch, a simple word can shift everything.A Love That Lasts
A good relationship isn’t just about passion or compatibility. It’s about devotion—two people who choose each other, day after day, in big ways and small. PACT helps you create the kind of relationship that endures, not because you have to, but because you want to—because it feels like the safest, most nourishing place you could ever be.
You don’t have to keep having the same fights, feeling the same distance, wondering if this is just how love goes.
With the right guidance, you and your partner can step into something so much deeper—a relationship where you both feel fully alive, fully loved, and finally home.
Tried couples therapy before or have a idea from what you’ve seen on TV or in movies? You will find a PACT couple session is different (and often more helpful). Here’s how:
I will focus on by-the-moment changes in your face, body, and voice, and ask you to pay close attention to these shifts in one another.
I will create situations to replicate those troubling your relationship and will coach you to work through them differently in the moment during the session.
PACT sessions are longer sessions than the “normal” psychotherapy hour because of the depth of the work. Generally, sessions are at least 90 minutes and may last as long as 3–6 hours.
PACT often requires fewer sessions than do other forms of couples counseling.
I may videotape sessions (with your permission) to provide immediate feedback to you about your demeanor, tone of voice, and nonverbal communication with each other.
What to expect in a PACT session
FAQs about couples therapy
Question 1: We’ve been living like this for so long. How can there still be hope for us?
According to recent research, couples wait on average six years after problems start before they reach out for professional help. Fortunately, in the past decade or so, much has been done to improve the outcome for couples in therapy. Specific techniques and approaches have been tested, and their effectiveness measured. Working with me, you will learn strategies and techniques from one of the most powerful approaches, the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT).
Question 2: What if my partner is resistant to beginning couples counseling?
You should understand that it is completely normal for one or both partners to resist coming to couples counseling. Sometimes there has been a negative experience with a previous therapist. Sometimes one member of the couple fears I will take the side of the other partner. (I am trained to keep the playing field level, by the way.) Start by committing to two sessions. Come with curiosity and openness. If after the two sessions both of you do not feel comfortable with me and are not hopeful that the therapy will help, I will help you find another approach to achieve your goals.
Question 3: What if we’ve hurt each other so much that it feels irreparable?
Often couples who come to therapy feel this way. They have tried to solve their own problems but have developed such negative patterns in their relationship that they’ve just been resigned to living in emotional pain. Even early in therapy, many of these couples have found that their negative patterns can be changed and problems can be solved.
Question 4: How long will it take for us to get along better?
Many couples find that they start getting along better after the first few sessions: arguments decrease, communication improves, and hope for a better relationship becomes real. Each couple is unique. Couples always decide for themselves when relationship therapy has created enough progress toward goals to be complete.
Question 5: How can I tell if you are the right therapist for us?
You can get a sense of who I am and how I work with couples by reading this website. But you cannot really know if working with me will feel right until we meet in person. If you are drawn to what you’ve read here, let’s chat for you to get a better sense of how it feels to talk with me. My hope is that with me you’ll feel safe to explore your relationship and find relief from your pain, gain insight into your situation, and learn concrete steps to take for a happier life together.
Question 6: What if we are pretty sure we want to separate or divorce and want help with the process?
I work only with couples who are committed to doing the work to create safety and security in their relationship. If you are seriously contemplating divorce, I recomment that you find a therapist who is trained to help you decide if separation and divorce are the right solution. If you contact me, I will give you a referral to someone like this.
You get to choose from two formats for couples therapy:
Traditional format–Once-a-week or bi-weekly meetings. This is right for you if you have limited time during the week to meet with a therapist and you feel like you can take time to work through your issues at a comfortable pace. As your relationship improves, you may choose to increase the time between sessions, meeting even monthly or as needed.
Intensives/retreat format–With longer meeting times (4-6 hours) or more frequent sessions. Click to go to the intensive or retreat page to see how this can help you repair your relationship more quickly. If you want a great jumpstart, this could be for you.
Couples therapy format–traditional or accelerated?
YOUR NEXT STEP IS TO SCHEDULE A FREE VIDEO CONSULTATION.
The consultation is a way for both of you to meet with me to see if you each “click” with me. It’s important that you make the decision to pursue couples therapy together and that you both have some confidence that I can help you or at least an open mind and curiosity about the process.