To everyone around you, your life looks good. Meaningful careers. A family you care deeply about. Friends, interests, trips when you can manage the time.
But behind closed doors, something isn’t working anymore. Small disagreements escalate quickly. Conversations turn tense, circular, or shut down entirely. Intimacy feels strained or distant.
You love each other — and you’re worried about what happens if nothing changes.
COUPLES THERAPY & MARRIAGE COUNSELING IN VIRGINIA AND WASHINGTON, DC
From the outside, you look like the almost-perfect couple.
Arguments that start small and spiral quickly
Feeling disconnected or emotionally distant
Repeating the same conflicts with no resolution
Difficulty working together around money, parenting, or illness
Little or no intimacy or sex
Strain related to extended family
Betrayal, infidelity, or loss of trust. Click here for more specific information.
Pre- or post-baby disconnection
You may recognize yourselves in this:
You never expected to be the couple who needed help.
No one teaches us how to sustain a long-term relationship — not in school, and often not in our families.
Many couples wait until the pain feels unbearable before reaching out. If you’re worried that things are eroding, it’s important not to wait until so much damage has occurred that repair feels impossible.
Even relationships that have been strained for a long time can change.
You both deserve a relationship that feels safe and secure.
And at some point, you realize two things at once: you want that kind of relationship — and you may not be able to create it on your own anymore. That’s often when couples therapy becomes necessary.
You may remember a time when being together felt easy. When you could look at each other and feel deeply connected. When conversation flowed, laughter came naturally, and you felt understood without trying so hard.
It’s natural to want that closeness again.
Couples therapy isn’t about recreating an early phase of your relationship. It’s about building something more durable — a more mature, complex connection grounded in deeper understanding, clearer communication, and real emotional safety.
Seen this way, couples therapy is an investment in your future together.
Before couples therapy
Conversations feel transactional and guarded, focused on logistics rather than connection.
Small disagreements escalate quickly or end in silence, withdrawal, or resentment.
You argue about the same issues again and again, with little resolution.
One or both of you feels unseen, misunderstood, or emotionally alone in the relationship.
Intimacy feels strained, distant, or has faded altogether.
You walk on eggshells, avoid certain topics, or brace for negative reactions.
When things are “fine,” they feel flat. When they’re bad, they feel overwhelming.
You love each other, but the distance between you feels heavy and hard to bridge.
After couples therapy
Conversations feel calmer, clearer, and more meaningful. You can talk without things spiraling.
You listen and feel listened to, even when discussing difficult topics.
Conflict no longer feels catastrophic; you know how to navigate it without causing harm.
Resentment is named, worked through, and released rather than stored up.
Emotional and physical intimacy begin to return in ways that feel natural and safe.
You stop walking on eggshells and start showing up more honestly with each other.
You feel more like partners again, not just co-managers of a shared life.
You experience renewed connection, trust, and a sense of being on the same team.
In couples therapy, the three of us sit together and begin where you are. At first, you may feel cautious. I am new to you, and it’s natural to wonder whether you can trust me to understand your relationship and work fairly with both of you.
What matters most is that you’re here because something isn’t working — and you want relief from the pain that can build when a committed relationship feels strained or unsafe.
As we talk, you begin to lower your guard, sometimes gradually. Together, we look at what has changed in your relationship, where you feel stuck, and what each of you needs to feel seen, understood, and connected again.
With my guidance, you start to recognize the patterns that keep pulling you into conflict or distance. We pay attention not only to what you say, but how you say it — the reactions, assumptions, and emotional responses that shape your interactions.
I work from outside your relationship, coaching and guiding you in real time. I help you approach each other differently, listen more accurately, and respond in ways that support connection rather than escalation.
You leave sessions with insight, but more importantly, with concrete ways of relating differently. Between sessions, you practice — noticing each other more carefully, experimenting with new responses, and discovering what helps you create more ease, trust, and closeness.
Over time, if you stay engaged in the work, your relationship becomes a place that feels more secure and supportive. You gain the capacity to be more fully yourselves together, with greater compassion for each other and for the relationship you are building.
What happens in couples therapy?
Many couples have tried therapy before and left with insight — but without lasting change. Talking alone isn’t enough when your nervous systems are activated and old patterns take over.
That’s why I work with couples using a structured, evidence-based approach that focuses on how you respond to each other moment by moment, not just what you talk about.
THE PSYCHBIOLOGICAL APPROACH TO COUPLE THERAPY
Treatment Approach: PACT, the path to a stronger, more connected love
When you work with me, couples therapy is not about rehashing the same arguments or learning communication “tips” that fall apart under stress. PACT is a research-informed approach designed to help couples change how they relate to each other in the moments that matter most.
PACT focuses on emotional safety, secure attachment, and real-time interaction between partners. Rather than talking about problems in the abstract, we work directly with what happens between you — your reactions, your assumptions, and the patterns that shape your connection.
No More Talking in Circles
Many couples find themselves stuck in familiar arguments that escalate quickly or shut down entirely. PACT helps you recognize these patterns as they emerge and respond differently — before conflict takes over and distance sets in.
A Relationship That Feels Secure
Underneath frustration and withdrawal is often a shared need to feel safe, chosen, and supported. PACT is designed to help couples build that sense of security so the relationship itself becomes a source of stability rather than stress.
Understanding Each Other More Fully
Love isn’t mind-reading. It’s learning how your partner experiences closeness, threat, and repair — and responding with greater accuracy and care. PACT helps you develop this kind of attunement, so connection becomes more natural and reliable.
A Relationship Built to Last
Enduring relationships aren’t defined by the absence of conflict, but by the ability to repair, reconnect, and move forward together. PACT supports couples in building a relationship that can withstand stress and change over time.
My work is grounded primarily in PACT, and also informed by training in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and the Gottman Method. This allows me to draw on a range of well-established perspectives while staying anchored in a clear, structured approach to couples therapy.
If you’ve tried couples therapy before — or have an idea of it from TV or movies — PACT sessions may feel noticeably different. Here’s why:
We focus on what happens in the moment.
Rather than only talking about past conflicts, we pay close attention to real-time shifts in facial expression, tone of voice, posture, and emotional response — and what those shifts communicate to each other.We work with interaction, not just insight.
I create opportunities in session to address the same situations that trouble your relationship and coach you through responding differently as they happen.Sessions are longer and more focused.
PACT sessions are typically longer than the standard therapy hour to allow for depth, repair, and integration. Sessions often last 90 minutes and may extend to several hours when appropriate.Progress is often more efficient.
Because the work is experiential and targeted, many couples find they need fewer sessions than with traditional couples counseling.Video feedback may be used when helpful.
With your permission, sessions may be recorded briefly to help you see and understand patterns in communication and emotional response that are hard to notice in the moment.
PACT is best suited for couples who are willing to show up, stay engaged, and work actively on their relationship.
How PACT sessions are different
FAQs about couples therapy
1. How do we know if couples therapy is right for us?
Couples therapy can be helpful when something in the relationship isn’t working and you don’t feel able to shift it on your own. Many couples seek therapy when communication has broken down, connection feels strained, or conflict has become overwhelming. You don’t have to be on the brink of separation for therapy to be worthwhile — but both partners do need to be willing to engage in the process.
2. We’ve been living like this for a long time. Is there still hope?
Many couples wait years before reaching out for help. By the time they do, patterns of conflict or disconnection can feel deeply entrenched. The good news is that couples therapy has advanced significantly in recent years, and structured, research-informed approaches like PACT are designed specifically to help couples change these patterns. Even relationships that have felt stuck for a long time can improve.
3. What if one of us is hesitant or resistant to starting couples therapy?
It’s very common for one partner to feel unsure, especially if there has been a difficult experience with therapy in the past or concern about a therapist taking sides. My role is to work with the relationship as a whole and to keep the process balanced and fair. Many couples agree to start with one or two sessions to see how it feels before making a longer-term commitment.
4. What if we’ve already tried couples therapy and it didn’t help?
Some couples find that previous therapy provided insight but didn’t lead to lasting change — or even made things feel worse. PACT sessions work differently by focusing on real-time interaction and emotional responses, not just discussion. This can make a significant difference for couples who felt stuck in traditional talk-based approaches.
5. How long does couples therapy take?
Every relationship is different. Some couples notice positive changes within the first few sessions, while others work together over a longer period of time. Progress depends on factors such as how long issues have been present, the level of distress, and how actively both partners engage in the work. Couples decide together when therapy has helped them reach their goals.
6. What if things feel so damaged that repair seems impossible?
Many couples come to therapy feeling this way. Over time, unaddressed hurt can create distance, resentment, and resignation. In therapy, couples learn to identify and shift the patterns that keep them stuck. While not every relationship can or should continue, many couples discover that meaningful repair is possible once these patterns are understood and addressed.
7. Are you the right therapist for us?
Reading this website can give you a sense of how I work, but the best way to know if it feels right is to meet. I offer a free video consultation so both of you can ask questions, get a feel for the process, and see whether working together feels like a good fit.
8. What if we’re seriously considering separation or divorce?
I work with couples who are committed to exploring whether their relationship can become safe and secure again. If you are primarily seeking help deciding how to separate or divorce, I can refer you to a therapist who specializes in that work.
Couples choose between two ways of working together, depending on time, urgency, and how much support they want at the outset.
Ongoing Couples Therapy
This option works well if you prefer a steady pace and have limited availability during the week.
Meet weekly or biweekly
Sessions typically last 90 minutes or 2 hours
Allows time to integrate changes gradually between sessions
Frequency may decrease as your relationship stabilizes
This format is often a good fit if your relationship feels strained but not in crisis, and you want consistent support over time.
Intensives and Retreats
This option is designed for couples who want to make meaningful progress more quickly.
Longer sessions (typically 3–6 hours) or multiple sessions close together
Allows deeper work without the stop-start of weekly scheduling
Can be helpful when time is limited, travel is involved, or issues feel urgent
Many couples use intensives as a jumpstart and then continue with ongoing therapy for integration and support.
Learn more about Intensives and Retreats
Choosing the Right Option
During your consultation, we’ll talk together about what’s happening in your relationship, your schedules, and what kind of support makes the most sense right now.
Couples therapy options
YOUR NEXT STEP
If you’re both feeling the strain in your relationship — and you’re open to exploring whether couples therapy could help — the next step is a consultation.
The consultation gives the two of you a chance to:
Meet with me together
Ask questions about the process
Get a sense of whether this work feels like a good fit
You don’t need to have everything figured out before reaching out. You just need enough willingness to begin.