How Couples Can Lower Stress with a Mess
You can read a lot of advice about reducing stress, much of it including suggestions such as “get organized,” “make a to do list and then break it down into manageable steps,” “focus on one task at a time,” or “create an exercise routine and stick to it.” All of these suggestions are meant to make you feel more in control, the idea being that if you are overwhelmed with something you need to do, you’ll be less stressed if you have a plan, a method, a schedule. Maybe that will work. Maybe your stress will decrease.
Others might advise, meditate, get enough sleep, eat more healthy foods, pet a dog, take a walk in the woods, call a friend.
All good advice.
But maybe, just maybe, there is another way of looking at the problem of stress and a completely different way to de-stress. And maybe it’s an even more effective way to reduce stress if you do it with your partner.
The need for free, undirected play
Lots has been written about over-scheduled kids and how they need time for play—real play, free, undirected play.
I believe that this need doesn’t stop at the end of childhood. We all need to give the analytical, logical part of our brain a rest and let loose our creativity, the imagination, and the sloppiness that go with them every now and then, maybe even regularly.
Adults need pure undirected play to de-stress. Adults need messes. (Yes, I know you’ll have to clean it up later, but it will be worth it.)
What’s more, couples can help each other de-stress by encouraging each other to make messes together. Think back on times (maybe in your courtship, years ago) when you were messy together. Did you feed each other chocolates in bed? Did you play Frisbee, fall down, and stain your clothes?
Suggestions for messes
- Improvisational cooking together, no recipe required.
- Paint, pastels, or charcoal and paper. I chose these because they are the messiest. Please, no class or teacher involved. Paint or draw portraits of each other. Use finger paints.
- Gardening together with no plan in mind. Get your hands dirty and clean out your fingernails later.
- Free-form dancing. Put on some music from your favorite decade. Boogie. Who cares if you knock a vase off the end table? Don’t stop until you feel bedraggled and exhausted.
- Riding a bicycle through mud puddles with no particular destination in mind.
Think of some more. Connecting in a creative, nonlinear, playful way can increase intimacy and lower stress. Getting dirty may be the best thing you’ve done for your stress level and relationship in a long time.
